Liverpool vs. Everton - League Derby 2000

I was asked to streak at Anfield, at the Liverpool / Everton derby towards the end of the year 2000 by someone, to advertise their business on my back. I agreed, but a few days before the game, my 'sponsor' pulled out. I had built myself up to do this game and, even though I had no sponsor (it was a first), still decided to try and do it.

Tickets were like gold dust (I had been promised one by the sponsor) and now I found it impossible to get hold of one, so thought I'd try and buy one off a tout outside the ground. When I got there, I asked one guy how much he wanted for a ticket and he told me that he was selling them for 120. I asked him if he had been drinking heavily or had been taking drugs, as he must of been doing one or the other if he thought he would get that much for a ticket! He didn't find me funny and tried to bottle me with a plastic cup. I overpowered him with my breath, got him in a nose-block and tied him up with his own nasal hair then dumped him behind a hedge.

I then went and stood outside McDonalds at the front of Anfield and tried to find a tout with a cheap ticket. I only had 25 on me and thought that I had more chance of flying a kite out of the window of a 747 than getting a ticket, but you have to try!

After about 20 minutes, I noticed a group of policemen staring at me from across the road, so struck up a conversation with a dolphin, so as not to draw any unwanted attention on myself. Within a few minutes, a constable came over and asked me my name. I told him, and then he told me that every policeman on duty that night had been briefed on me (where have I heard that before?), after hearing that I was going to perform at the game. As he spoke, the group of bobbies from across the road came over. As I had no outstanding warrants, for non payment of fines, they had no reason to arrest me and to be honest, didn't want to. I was 'unofficially' told that most of the police got a laugh out of what I did, but ''had to keep an eye on me'', as that was their job. One ran a check on me while I chatted to the others. A couple of them even tugged at my clothes to see if I had my rip-off suit on, which I found amusing, as I had just swapped it with the tout behind the hedge! After getting the all clear, I left them in pursuit of the touts, but not before they had all shook my hand.

As I turned the corner, heading for the 'Shankley Gates', a couple of the policemen followed me. I couldn't find a tout, and realised that even if I did, I would be followed inside the ground anyway. I decided to go home and try again the following week, when Liverpool played Chelsea in the Worthington Cup.