Unity Theatre, Liverpool 1995
Culture, cigar smoke and Thai food are a very important part of everyday life, if you wear descent shoes and speak fluent Greek! I don't, but I do like Thai food.
Anyway, I went to watch a play called Night Collar at the Unity Theatre in Liverpool. It was about a taxi driver and the fares he picks up on New Years Eve. I went with my sister, Cathy, her boyfriend, Frank, Ken Dodd and a herd of African wildebeest. The Dodd and wildebeest, unfortunately, did not gain entrance so had to wait outside in a converted sock. The rest of us went in to enjoy the Shakespearian pleasures that lay ahead.
During the first half performance, I found myself enjoying it so much that I wanted to be in it! So I told Frank to go and get the car and bring it around to the front of the theatre, ready for a quick getaway. Not wanting to miss the 'show', he told me not to ''do it'' until he came back. If he thought that I was going to run out of the theatre stark naked HOPING that the car was waiting, he had another think coming! You're damn right I was going to wait until he came back.
When he did, the second half of the show was under way. I went into the toilets and undressed as Cathy and Frank waited at the back of the theatre ready to go. Whilst in there, I prepared myself by yodelling and flossed my bikini line while I was at it!
Once that was done, I opened the door and sprinted down the aisle and onto the stage. There was a taxi in the centre of it, so I jumped in the back and asked the 'driver' to take me to home. To give the actor his due, he took it in his stride and, after looking in his rear view mirror, turned to me and said, ''How are you going to pay the fare mate?''.
Not expecting his reaction, (to be honest I didn't know what to expect), I started to ad-lib too and told him that it was my stag night and that the lads had left me naked (well I was), leaving me to find my own way home and that I would pay him when we got there. Again, the 'driver' went along with it and we went through the scene of him driving me home!
The audience, by this time, didn't know if I was part of the play or not and were muttering amongst themselves.
After a while, feeling the unrest in the crowd, I decided it was time to go and asked the taxi driver where the best place was to do a 'runner'? By now, I think that he had had enough as well and said "Here!". Time to go, so I leapt from the taxi and ran up the aisle towards the main entrance, in this case, exit, through the doors and into the waiting getaway car, followed by Cathy.
Frank had picked my clothes up on his way out after watching most of the performance and the three of us sped off into the night laughing hysterically, in a thespian sort of way, followed by a converted sock!