To lead up to the Turner event, I went to the Tate in London the week before, where I walked around in my now famous tutu, "studying" the paintings, dancing in between the masterpieces.

The bemused but somewhat curious security guards followed me at arms length which was itself quite surreal.

I understand this video has now become quite a huge hit on the web at http://www.museumstreak.com and accompanies the Turner. Who knows - next year's Turner Prize winner?! Let's hope so!

As I danced and "studied", I was asked by a group of ladies: "Are you an exhibit?"  to which I replied "I am what you wish me to be, my dear!" and promptly pirouetted away.

On leaving the site, I was approached by four security guards who asked, "Sir, the next time you visit, could you please dress appropriately and wear a top?".

I kid you not!

On arriving at The Baltic Mill Exhibition Centre in Newcastle for the Turner Prize, myself and Stuart, my friend and accomplice for the evening, adopted the guise of German artists, in respect of the creator of the forthcoming new art form, and mused over the shape of potatoes whilst mingling with the critics.

Although I didn't get to pirouette on stage, the event was a complete success and applauded by all. In the event of me being formally charged, I intend to challenge Turner in what will be a landmark case where art challenges art.  After all they do love controversy. Bring it on! It all worked out unbelievably well! Mark.