National Lottery 1998

The fourth and final time that I tried, was in 1998. I had again obtained tickets through the BBC under the alias Richard (Dickie) Winner, as I'm pretty sure that my real name must of been blacklisted at every ticket enquiry office throughout the land. But I'm a 'professional' and will always find a way!

This time, I had to wear a disguise, as I had done a streak at the BBC the previous week on a live TV chat show (but that's another story)! I wore a brown curly wig, glasses and a false moustache. I looked like a cross between a mad farmer and a terrorist and drew more quizzical looks than if I had gone as 'myself'.

Again I wore my 'suit' and had one of the people with me write ''DROP MY BALLS'' across my back with a black marker pen. For some reason or other, Ii spoke with a lisp, to add to my disguise. How I got in I will never know. The two people who were with me were from a men's magazine who had asked me to do a streak for them the previous week, and were going to take some photos as I ran on.

The presenter, who was Brian Conley, came on at the beginning of the show from at the back of the stage instead of down the stairs and through the audience. The reason for this being that when I first streaked there, I told them that I should have jumped out at the beginning and 'got' Bob Monkhouse as he came down the stairs, so they changed the presenters entrance; Made no odds to me. It just made me try harder to get on!

As the show went on, I thought that I wouldn't get the chance to perform again, as there were two people stood at the bottom of the stairs;- a cameraman and floor manager.   Then, just as they were about to push the button to start the ball machine, I thought that it was about time that I showed them mine, and ran down the stairs and around the two guys at the bottom. As I got by the machine, a lady member of staff ran at me from the side of the stage and grabbed me by the shirt. When she did this, I just kept on running and my clothes came off in her hands and she fell on the floor. I was now naked, and my wig and 'tache were hanging at funny angles, making me look as though I had just been in a fight with the Beverly Sisters. 

Brian Conley spread his arms in a wafting motion, which looked as though he had just farted and was trying to get rid of the smell.  I got on stage (finally, at the fourth attempt!) and tried to moonwalk, but couldn't, as my feet kept on sticking to the floor!  Security then ran over, and I was hauled off stage and taken to the men's toilets and kept there until the police arrived. 

When they did, I was still stood naked in the toilet with my wig and 'tache still at funny angles. One of the policemen took one look at me and said ''WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MATE?'' I told him that I was just having a laugh and then one of them recognized me and their attitudes changed and started smiling. 'Come on then Mark, lets go!'' said one of the officers.

I didn't even have to tell them my name, they already knew it!  Before we got out of the toilet, I heard one of the officers asking the lady who grabbed me what happened? She told him that she saw me run from the back of the audience and onto the stage, ''but then I grabbed him by the balls!' and then started laughing and corrected herself saying, ''I meant, by the ball machine"!

When we got to Hammersmith police station, I was stood at the charge desk waiting to be charged, when a top C.I.D. officer at the end of the desk looked at me and said ''Are you THE man?'' When I nodded, he said ''TOP MAN'' and started smiling his head off.

I was then charged with ''CAUSING HARASSMENT AND DISTRESS TO MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC'' and locked up for over an hour until the C.I.D. came to my cell and escorted me to the interview room to do a taped interview. I was sat facing one officer with another at the side and before we started the interview, was told that they found what I did, hilarious and didn't harm anyone, but not to make any jokes or laugh during the interview as it had to sound like a sensible one for the courts.

As it turns out, I didn't have to make any jokes because when I told them the story of why I had come down to London and what had happened, they were in hysterics with tears streaming down their faces. The officer at the side of me was creased up double, hanging over the side of his chair. This got me going, and I ended up doubled over myself with tears streaming down my face. We had to keep stopping the tape to compose ourselves, but it was pointless as the whole interview was like a comedy sketch. When we eventually came out of the interview room, the main officer held the tape up in his hand and said to every policeman around ''In all my years on the Force, this is the best interview that I have ever done!''  This made me feel really good, but still had to be locked up for another couple of hours until they could let me go.

When I left, everybody was so nice to me, that I felt like I had made new friends. When I went back to London to appear in court, I had planned on pleading ''not guilty'', as I felt that the offence I had been charged with was wrong. The outcome of the streak was totally the opposite to the charges against me. But I had another streak planned and if I had broken my bail conditions whilst awaiting trial, I would probably of been held on remand in prison until my trial. So I pleaded ''guilty'' and was fined 150 and ordered to pay 50 compensation to the lady who tried to grab me as she "hadn't been the same since"!  What a load of ''bull''.

She had been laughing her head off on the night.   I left court feeling badly done to, but I had achieved my objective, and that was good enough for me !!!