Miss World (The Second Coming!) 2000

The second time I tried to 'do' Miss World was in the year 2000 at the Millennium Dome. I didn't have a ticket, again, as they were all sold out when I tried to obtain one, and were too expensive anyway... up to 250. I decided to go down to London anyway and see if I could blag my way in.

I took with me my rip-off suit in a black sports bag. As I got off the tube at Greenwich, at around 5pm,there were dozens of police everywhere, and when I tried to get through I was stopped and told that the Dome was now closed to the public After telling them that i was picking tickets up from the box office, I was let through and then just walked past the ticket desk, and the people on the door, straight into the Dome. Was this to be my lucky night?

Once in, I wandered around trying to find out where the contest was to take place. I went up to a coffee stand and asked the guy behind the counter and he pointed and said ''here''. As I turned around, I saw a stage in the middle of the arena with seating all around. I WAS THERE! All I had to do now was find somewhere to hide until the contest started! I bought myself a cup of coffee and walked around, looking for somewhere to stash myself. As I got to one of the entrances, there was a generator room with four large holes at the front of it. This seemed like the perfect place to hide, so I looked around to see if anyone was looking. The visitors were looking at other things and there were two security guards at the other side of the arena who were facing the other way. Seizing the opportunity, I threw my bag through one of the holes and then dived through myself, then stood in the corner.  If anyone had seen me they would be over straight away, so I waited, expecting the worst. But no-one came.

This was getting to be like a mission impossible come true! When I realised that I hadn't been seen, I settled down for the hours of waiting that lay ahead. It was now 17:30 and the contest was to be screened live around the world at 20:00. I wasn't sure what time I was going to jump out, just at the best opportunity. After last years disappointment, I wasn't going to pick a certain moment this time! 

I was in the perfect hiding place. From where I was, I had a clear run to the stage. When I looked at my clothes, I was wearing cream coloured trousers and shirt, they were covered in dirt from getting in through the hole,as were my hands, but seeing as though they were not going to be on for long, this didn't bother me. At 18:00, I could hear everybody being asked to leave, as the Dome was closing. Once everybody had gone, I felt a little more at ease.  As time went by, staff and security at the Dome
would now and again walk past my hiding place. This made my heart jump at times (it was a good job I didn't have a bad case of wind otherwise I would have blown myself up). Once, my mobile phone went off and I thought that somebody must of heard it. It was panic stations trying to switch it off but, luckily, it went unheard. At around 19:30, I rang a few friends and whispered to them where I was and to put Miss World on their TV at 20:00 and watch the ''show''.

As 20:00 came, I looked out of one of the holes but still saw an empty arena. So I rang one of my friends back and asked him if it was on the TV, and he told me that it was. It was only then that I realised I had been hiding in the WRONG part of the Dome! I couldn't believe it!!! After the last years fiasco, I had gone and done it again! I had messed up a second time! But with hindsight, I did wonder why it was so quiet!

The worst part now was, how do I get out without being caught? It would be like rubbing salt in the wounds getting arrested for a botched job, but resigned myself to the fact that it was inevitable. When I was to be asked what I was doing when I tried to get out, I was going to say that I had fallen asleep in the toilets and, whether they believed me or not, that was the story I was sticking to!

I didn't want to get caught in filthy clothes either (that would have been a bit more difficult to explain), so I changed into my working clothes (rip-off suit), and rather than get them dirty by climbing out of the hole again, I managed to force open the door of the generator room.

I took a few deep breaths and walked out. As I did, a couple of young lads who worked there were walking across the arena, so I decided to walk behind them in the hope of finding the way out, but was immediately caught up in some sort of evacuation!

A security guard came over and herded us to one of the exits where all the other staff and a corporate business group had gathered. What the hell was going on? We were all led outside and told that no-one was allowed to leave and had to wait there. I looked around for a chance to get away, but there was no way to get out. There were police and security everywhere. I was now in the hands of the Gods! I just had to ride it through and see what happened.

After about 15 minutes, we were led back in were put into two hospitality suites, one for the staff and one for the business group, so I decided to go in with the business group. After a few minutes, a lady came in and told us what was happening. There had been a coded bomb warning and that they were checking out a suspect car in the car-park. SOD THIS FOR A GAME OF SOLDIERS! There was a bomb scare going on and I was walking around with an uncouth suit on with a suspicious black bag over my shoulder. I wanted to go home! I walked over to the lady and her if was alright to leave, but was told that nobody could until they were given the all clear from the police. As she spoke to me, she stared at my face in a funny way. When she had finished talking, I went to the toilets and looked in the mirror. My face and hands were covered in dirt!

By now I'm starting to panic a bit. It was one thing getting arrested for doing a streak but another for being a suspected terrorist! I want to go home NOW please! I washed my hands and face and went back into the hospitality suite and sat down and tried not to bring any attention to myself. As I sat down, my trousers split open underneath and at the back, as usual. I had forgotten about being careful when sitting down in them. I must have had something else on my mind at the time!

By now, I felt like my whole life was crumbling around me! Now I really, really want to go home! I had to wait until the opportunity arose to fix myself without anybody noticing what I was doing. After about 20 minutes, a member of staff came in with a dozen bottles of champagne, for the inconvenience.  As people went over to get a glass, I quickly did a rush job on my trousers and went over to get a drink (by now I needed one).  As there was so much there, I took a full bottle for myself, with a glass, and carefully sat down in my chair with the bottle at the side. If I was going to get arrested, I may as well be drunk as well!

After another hour had passed, a lady member of staff came over and asked me who I was with? I really looked out of place amongst all the business men there and now I thought my luck had finally run out. I told her that I was with a group of friends in the Dome and got caught up with the business group in the evacuation. When she asked me where my friends were, I told her that I didn't know so she started to enquire about them on her radio. As she did, a message came through that they had been given the all clear and people could leave. I told her that I would meet my friends at the station, thanked her for the champagne and got up to leave. As I was walking out, I thought to myself that after surviving such a drama, I would use one last bit of cheek before I went and went back over to the lady and asked her if i could have some complimentary tickets for the Dome, for my ''inconvenience''? She agreed and would arrange to send me four tickets, for me and my friends, in the post the next day, which she did!  I couldn't believe I had got through it! But I had!

When I got on the tube, two men and a woman were sat facing me and kept looking at me, giggling. When I asked them what was up, one of the men motioned at my trousers with his head, and when I looked down, all my 'working tools' were hanging through a split in my velcro! By now, I didn't care and said ''if you think that's funny, have a look at this!'', and stood up and turned around ,showing them that my arse was hanging out too!  I eventually got to Victoria coach station and caught the last coach home. All the way home, I couldn't stop thinking about the night I had just had.