London Marathon

I went down to London and stayed at the house of a chap that was making a documentary about me, after agreeing to let him film me ''doing'' the Marathon. In the morning we went to a friends house of his that was closer to the part of the course that I wanted to do ... the finish!

When we got there it was time to get prepared. I stripped naked while one of the lads covered me in green body paint and wrote ''SPREAD THE WORD'' on my back, as FLORA margarine were the new sponsors of the Marathon. A friend of mine had also made me an accessory that looked like the head of a daffodil which slipped over my head. My intention here was to go as a ''storker''. 

After all the preparation was complete I put on  my rip-off suit and we set off to the Mall. As I was walking to my vantage spot, about 100 yards from the finish line, I was given a few odd looks as I had green paint coming out of the top of my clothes and a huge ''flower head'' in my hand. This didn't bother me in the slightest; odd looks come with the territory!

The film crew set up the camera and waited!

As the leader turned into the Mall, I started to push my way through the crowd, and as I got to the front he ran past. I ripped off my suit and jumped over the barrier, then stuck the daffodil on my head and started to try and catch the leader. When he looked behind, he saw me coming and ran as if he was in the 100 metres sprint. You would never have guessed he had just run 26 miles! After he had crossed the finish line, I tried to come second, but a middle aged steward had other ideas and wouldn't let me cross the line. A policeman asked him why he wouldn't let me cross, as he must of thought that I had a one-piece Lycra suit on, then when he realised, he grabbed me and led me to a Portakabin at the side of the course and got on the radio for a car. It came a short while later and I was bundled in the back between two officers. There were two in the front also, and we headed off to Charring Cross station. On the way, I was asked to tell them a few streak stories, and after a few minutes the driver pulled over and told me to ''please be quiet'' as he was finding it difficult to drive. When I looked at him he had tears streaming down his face with laughter. Even the police find it a great laugh!

When we got to the station, I was asked if I wanted to take a shower to get rid of all the paint off my body, to which I agreed. While I was in the shower, the curtain went back to reveal four more policemen asking me to tell them more stories! So I did. When I got out, after the last person had crossed the line in the race, the film crew had gone, leaving me stuck in London without a penny!

With nowhere to stay, I decided that I had to get back to Liverpool and, after getting no help from the police, could only do this by bunking the tube and train, which I did. After telling the guard on the train that I had no money, he had the police waiting for me when I got into Lime Street station and, seeing as I'd just nearly come second in the Marathon, I this time outran them and got away!

The documentary was never finished!