The Wimbledon Streak (Anna Kournikova)

I went down to London and stayed at a 'safe house' the night before I was due to do the streak, as I was told that you had to queue very early to get a descent place. I arrived at Wimbledon at 7:30am and there was already a huge queue, so I stood in line and settled down with a hot water bottle and sensible shoes. It was only after an hour that I realised I was in the queue for hot dogs and strawberry's so went and stood in the proper one! I wore sunglasses and a baseball cap to hide my face in case I got recognized on the way in and ended up looking like everybody else. The whole queue looked like an advert for Ray Ban and ADIDAS!!!

I originally planned to have ''ANNA KOUVA ME OVER'' written across my cellulite, but as I stood waiting, a van drove past with Anna's bra advert and logo ''ONLY THE BALL SHOULD BOUNCE'' on the side of it. I thought about it for a second (as that is my concentration span) and decided to put ''ONLY THE BALLS BOUNCE'' across my hanging body!

Anna Kournikova Streak. The crowd: all smiles and cameras!

I eventually got in just after 10:30 and headed straight to Court 14 where Anna was due to play. When I got there I thought there was a sale on or something as it was jam packed. Realising that if I found a place, I would have to keep hold of it (my place), so I went into a cubicle in the Gents to get changed into my 'working gear' (rip-off suit). I had to write the logo on the wall so I wouldn't get the letters the wrong way round when I wrote them on myself (I have since sent a chamois leather and bucket to Wimbledon in the hope that they can remove my graffiti) and after writing the logo on I put the rest of my suit on. This involved a lot of breathing in, as I had put on a beer belly since having it made and any false move would result in me, literally, falling to pieces!

After doing this I went back to Court 14 and, inch by inch, tried to make my way to the front. It took from 11:00 until 15:00 to get to some steps in front of the advertising boarding at the front and when I got there I sat down to claim my place. When I did, all the underneath and back of my trousers split open and all my 'work tools' fell out! I couldn't stand up to fix them as everyone would have seen something prematurely, so I had to keep my legs tightly shut (something I learnt to do after sitting on a red ants nest in Thailand) and my coat pulled down over my bum!

Anna eventually came on at 16:30, but after a few minutes rain stopped play and for a while I thought I had gone so far for nothing, as I couldn't afford to stay in London another day. I  took this opportunity to go to the Gents and fix my clothes and touch up the letters on my hanging  body, that had run through sweat. I also sprayed on my ''SURE'' deodorant so as not to offend Anna with my B.O. After I had done this I went back to my seat just in time for Anna to resume play. As I sat down my suit split open again, but it was too late to do anything about it now, so I just sat and waited for my cue (before realising that I wasn't here to play snooker)!

"Only The Balls Bounce".

After the fifth game I started to get ready and removed my shoes and socks while doing breathing exercises to control the fringe on my forehead. I put them in my bag (shoes and socks, not my foreheads) and started whistling Dixie. 

Then came the moment I'd been waiting for, ''NEW BALLS PLEASE!'' As quick as a streaker about to do a streak, I jumped up and ran down the steps shouting ''WILL THESE DO YA!'' and jumped the boarding (which I have now found out is illegal) and ripped my suit off and started to dance on court. Anna immediately started to drool and had to put a towel over her face to stop her saliva from ruining her skirt! Next I decided to somersault over the net ...

... something I didn't know I could do until then, and after landing on my feet, started to do an Irish jig. As I'm doing this, two security guards came on court and started to chase me. This is my buzz, as I like to see how long and how many it takes to catch me! After the first one went flying, the other tried to push me over the boarding, but couldn't, and after a short while I gave myself up 'cos I was gasping for a Marlborough Light!

Quick Kourni Kova Your Eyes !

The crowd seemed to enjoy every minute of it and as the security handed me over to the police, Anna tried to slip me her number but I told her that my bus pass couldn't get me to Russia, no matter how much I like Smirnoff!  As I'm being led away by the police, I'm surrounded by reporters, photographers and cameramen all asking me why I did it. "'IT'S MY JOB'' I replied, before being taken to the charge room. Once in, the police realised I was the ''SERIAL STREAKER'' and decided to let me go after running a check on me to make sure that I didn't have any warrants out for my arrest.

This streak led to many interviews on TV (some around the world), newspapers and radio.