Cast Pop Group, Liverpool 2001

I was invited to 'perform' on-stage with the band 'Cast'....

The story starts at the gig, Kenna turned to me and said that the band were all buzzing their heads off waiting for me to go on. Can my buzz get any better? I hadnít done anything yet and felt brilliant! Even better was the fact that I could watch the gig from the best seat in the house, before I went on and became part of the best band to come out of Liverpool since the Beatles! WHAT A JOB!

As I watched the band, I realised that I was stood next to a security guard so I asked Kenna if he knew what was going to happen. The last thing I wanted was for someone to think that I was storming the stage uninvited and try and grab me before I could perform.

Kenna leaned over and had a word in his ear and then the guard looked at me and smiled. GO ON! Usually I have to be careful to avoid security, but now they were up for it! It gets better!

As time went by, a few people asked me when I was due to go on. Word had got round and everyone backstage was buzzin'. I couldnít wait!

Just before the last song began, Rob gave me the nod, meaning I had about a minute before I became Nobbie Williams, so I took my clothes off and was handed a guitar. When I put it on, my balls were hanging out underneath so I asked for the larger bass in the guitar rack. This was perfect and covered everything up except my beer belly, not even my skin can cover that up! Now I'm ready to go!

As the last song started, I noticed a coupe of security guards blocking my way onto the stage so I asked Rob to move them. He did and they opened a path for me, smiling as they did! I walked past them, across the stage and stood in between John and the real bass player at the front of the stage and looked out. WOW! This was the best! The crowd all started cheering and the band were laughing, everybody was buzzin', except the police and stewards at the foot of the stage. They were all pointing up at me, as if to say "DONT YOU DARE"!

My answer to them was to drop to my knees and start to do a Status Quo, pretending to play the guitar and give it the heavy rock headshake. After a minute of that, I stood up and turned around, flashing my arse a few feet from the heads of police and security and faced the drummer. He was laughing his head off, so I lifted the guitar and introduced him to my little mate, then dropped it again and turned back to face the audience. When I did, the policeman in front turned to look at the crowd and as he did I lifted the bass again for the quickest blimp in history, before he turned back round again. Everyone was buzzin', but none more than me!

I then had a walk around the stage, twanging my bass as I went and walked up to John as he sang and told him that I loved him, then walked off. At that moment I wanted to hug the world, it was unbelievable! When I got to the back off the stage, I felt like Don King, my hair was standing on end, everyone was in hysterics. As I was buzzin' with everyone, I took the guitar off and handed it back to Kenna and started to get dressed. As I did, I realised that I was being videoed by Craig from Big Brother, who had been filming the concert from on top of a speaker at the back of the stage. Whilst I'm having a laugh with him and everybody else, the band finished the concert and came running off stage, shouting for me to meet them in the bar as they ran past. Err, I'll have to think about it! Oh go on then!

When I finished getting dressed, Craig and myself headed to the after show bar, and while we were on our way my mobile went off. It was Dave asking if I could get him and Paul backstage? In all the commotion I forgot all about them, so told him to head towards the left-hand side of the stage. As we spoke, he started laughing and told me to look up. They were stood a few yards in front of me behind 10ft high gates that were guarded by security. I walked over and asked the stewards if it was OK for them to come through, and they responded by smiling and opened the gates. What a perfect night this was turning out to be!

When we got to the backstage entrance we were not allowed through without a pass. I'd lost mine while I was getting dressed, so I rang Rob and asked if he could get three to us, and he told me that he would send them out. While we were waiting, a police sergeant came over to me with a big smile on his face, and said, "It's a good job you didnít lift the guitar up"! I started laughing, thinking that he must have blinked, and gave him a hug, knocking his helmet to an acute angle! Even he enjoyed it! He then asked me if I was going to do the Grand National the following day and looked genuinely disappointed when I told him that I wasnít! Have I got the best job in the world or what? The two of us continued to have a laugh for a couple of minutes until Kenna came out with our three passes, and then we headed inside, but not before I gave the spot on copper another big hug, leaving his helmet hanging off the back of his head!

We stayed for half an hour, having a laugh with John and Craig, before I had to leave to go to a charity night I'd been asked to attend. When I left, I felt as though I was walking on air after having one of the best experiences of my life!

IT WAS THE DOGS B****CKS!!!